May's Melolagnia

Installment One: PJ Dreams

One thing you would rapidly learn about me is my love of music. All sorts. I also love playing music. But I'm afflicted with this severe disdain for anything I produce. My emotion for the music and my desire for perfection makes it very hard for me to be objective. I want to do it and well, immediately. I do have some natural ability and training in singing, but I'm a-scared.

Karloff for YEARS has encouraged me to get back to the craft ever since I quit what little of the scene I was a part of for the birth of mini Karloff. I need to sit down, write some damn music and get out there and make some money. :) But it's been so long.

So! I have decided to post some stuff here. I'm getting my recording gear together and then it will be straight to your ears. And then hopefully I can get some feed back from the Compoundian's that will help me on my journey.

Whether or not music is recorded, I will have something posted, hopefully some audio, every week of my grand adventures. There is much to be relearned and it may just plain stink I warn you. Nevertheless, it will be entertaining :)














May's Song of the Week: Jeff Buckley's Satisfied Mind

Well, huh.

Wonder Woman is a fictional character, a DC Comics superheroine created by William Moulton Marston and one of the three characters to be continuously published by DC Comics since the company's inception in 1944. Marston's wife Elizabeth Holloway Marston, and Olive Byrne, who lived with the couple in a polyamorous relationship, served as exemplars for the character and greatly influenced her creation. Wonder Woman first appeared in All Star Comics #8, published in December 1941. She is a founding member of the Justice League.

Princess Diana is an Amazon from Greek mythology. Her name is reflective of the mythological character, Diana or Artemis. Her mother is Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons. When Diana leaves the Amazons to travel to the world outside, she is known as both Wonder Woman, and as Princess Diana. As Wonder Woman, she was awarded several gifts by the Olympian gods, including the Lasso of Truth created from the Golden Girdle of Gaea and indestructible bracelets formed from the shield Aegis. For several years she was described in the splash page of each story, as "beautiful as Aphrodite, wise as Athena, swifter than Hermes, and stronger than Hercules." - Taken from Wikipedia

In the end they've all lost

After some consideration, I've decided to take down the monster poll.

Looking at it every time I log into Pax has been a little hard of late...all things considered. It's no longer even a question of who's the better beast...just which one's being the worst at any given moment.

How depressing.

A devil's point of view

That last post reminds me of somethings I read last night from "The Screwtape Letters" by CS Lewis.....

"It is an unobtrusive little vice which she shares with nearly all women who have grown up in an intelligent circle united by clearly defined belief; and it consists in a quite untroubled assumption that the outsiders who do not share this belief are really too stupid and ridiculous. The males, who habitually meet these outsiders, do not feel that way; their confidence, if they are confident, is of a different kind. Hers, which she supposes to be due to Faith, is in reality largely due to the mere colour she has taken from her surroundings. It is not, in fact, very different from the conviction she would have felt at the age of ten that the kind of fish-knives used in her father's house were the proper or normal or 'real' kind, while those of the neighbouring families were 'not real fish-knives' at all."

Walls

Once we built walls. Brick and mortar to keep people out. Others were to be feared. They wanted to take your shit and you best be defending it.

After a while, we learned to trust. We traded, realizing that accepting difference brought many rewards. All needed was a general set of rules. Don't rape the woman, steal or stab each other in the throat.

Much time has passed, but figurative walls still remain. We fear what we don't understand. This primal need to preserve ones own idea of normal outweighs the reward to learn. We trade, but still only to reap rewards with a heavy heart to save them, because you must know the right way, and because their way is different than yours, it's wrong.

When will that next societal evolution take place? When we openly seek different and new things in each other without having to constantly weigh it against our preconceived notions. That there is no right or wrong way to do things. Just different ways.

Unhappily ever after?

Hey there people!

I was writing a new post for the other blog when it occurred to me that I was getting a little less pagan and a little too poly for that site

Of course, that is not to say that my lifestyle would be rejected within those circles, but only that I prefer to leave my more day to day thoughts on this site and leave that blog for more specifically pagan topics.

I was writing about the planning stages of our handfasting ceremony when I found myself getting off topic...

I had been searching the web for a simple handfasting rite that could be modified to accommodate three people, but that was also not too religious in respect of Karloff & May's beliefs. It was hard work to say the least.

What I found particularly odd was the amount of ceremonies I found that were specifically designed for couples in which one spouse was being married to another partner but the other spouse was not. I guess a lot of people must do it, but personally I would want to share my partner's entire life - not only the portion which they allocate to me. I would want (and am very lucky to have) a relationship with the other partner as well. That way I wouldn't feel like I was only sharing half their life. I can see how jealousy and insecurity would come into play if you felt like your partner had something with the other partner that you could *never have*.

I suppose it must work for some people. I'm certainly not going to discriminate because it's not my bag. I ask people to understand and respect my relationship even if they would not have chosen it for themselves. After all people ask all the time "how can your relationship work so well with three people?" To which I have to answer, " Well, how does yours work with two?"

I actually made an amusing observation today while scanning blogs and message boards that were discussing polyamoury vs. monogamy. I found the people who were most vocally against the subject were the ones who were married already and not wanting to have to deal with the "headache" of having another spouse! I found it rather funny that the people who were in unhappy relationships already were only focused on the negative connotations of a second spouse (more to have to clean up after, someone else hogging the sheets, etc.). None of them thought of the positive aspects of a second loving partner being added to the equation.

I thank the god & goddess every day that I have two loving, supportive people who are absolutely willing to help me with whatever endeavours I choose to undertake. More housecleaning? Nope, not here. We have three sets of hands now. Kids need to get ready for school? May gets lunches ready while I make breakfast and Karloff makes sure they get dressed. Easy!

Polyamoury is not the way to "fix" a relationship. Adding someone to your problems is not the answer. When you're (relatively) free of baggage, however, having another partner to share your life with can be soo rewarding!

*I feel soo lucky*

Pax Fanum

Despite the current craziness in our lives I have somehow found the time to begin a new pagan sister-blog for this site.

Pax Fanum is a new blog I've begun and can be found on Blog of Shadows (or in our link list). It will feature some of my more wiccan musings (of which I have chosen to leave out of Pax Compoundia). I urge anyone with interest or questions to check it out, regardless of faith or creed.

*I'm just hoping not to receive any flames*

I know I don't write a whole lot of posts on this blog anyway, but I'm sincerely hoping that this won't affect my posting frequency. Besides, I think Karloff & May would kick my ass if it did! ;p

Anyway....all are welcome to Pax Fanum.

Blessesd Be.

The Bomb

It dropped. My mother knows. Everything.

It wasn't my intention for it to happen as it did, but it happened just the same.

She thinks it to be a terrible idea, but she still loves me and wants to know I exist, including ALL of my family members. I can't ask for more than that.

I wish I didn't feel worse than before. But long-term, this was best. I'm not lying anymore.

We have some big plans for the site, a podcast and some weekly features. As you can understand though, things have been so heavy lately. BUT! We now have that brain space back for creativity and spreading the word.

Word.

Stupid Monster Poll!

Can't you subtract points?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

!!!!!!!!!BURN!!!!!!!!!

Family Christmas

One month and a few feet deep into the Canadian winter and we finally find ourselves completely settled into the compound. The hotel is an empty memory that still costs us $950 a month and a few shivers every time we think of it. We spent the 26th & 27th packing and moving the last of my stuff out of the apartment. Well, that's only half true. May & Karloff spent the 27th moving - I was sick and spent the day sleeping in the bathtub. Not recommended.

Karloff had been going crazy over his work. It would come like a killer in the night or in the wee hours of the morning, a phone call or the beep beep of a text message from his boss...

"Oh, could you just get this one thing done for me for ummm...tomorrow morning.? Thanks. And hey, can you change this whole thing around for me for, say, tonight? Thanks. Love ya!"

So night after night he would stay up trying to get his work done until finally...it's Christmas Eve and somewhere between work, obligations to family members, quitting smoking, threats of custody battles, heartbreaking family betrayals, and general holiday madness...the phone rings. It's Karloff's boss again. Oh, did I mention Karloff's boss is May's mother? Yep. So here's the deal - Come to mass with the family tonight ("Of course Opopanax can come!") instead of having your much coveted "quiet family Christmas" (ie. one where I get to be there) ...and Karloff can have the rest of the holidays off until January 5th!!!!

And that's not all folks! You'll also receive Jesus's eternal love & snacks at Mothra's house!


So that was a good enough deal for us and after a hectic and perilously dangerous journey into the city (which almost ends in a ditch due to the road conditions) we regrouped at May's mother's house for hors d'oeuvres (snacks).

Now, that all sounds lovely, except May's family doesn't really know anything about our family...so it's actually all quite awkward. We keep finding excuses for me and my daughter to show up at family events and May's family is soo open to us (which is really awesome)...but not being able to say I love you? No physical contact whatsoever? Misleading her family as to our situation? Not to mention we're engaged and going to have children!

So a few snacks/hours later we headed home to the compound and did our own Christmas thing. We opened our presents to each other since we wouldn't be able to do so at the family gathering at May's family's place the next day. The holiday feeling was brief, merely lasting for a few precious hours...but we were together and that was enough.

Christmas morning comes around and I get the message that my grandmother has been admitted to the hospital. May rushes us to the hospital where we're able to spend some time with her while she lays there, unconscious and unaware. It taints the rest of the day with her pallor. She dies the next day while I'm packing my apartment. The preceding day is mostly a blurr of sleep and sickness. I hold my grandfather's hand at her funeral the day after.

This holiday is about rebirth. The sun is reborn and the days only grow longer from here...