Thursday, January 17, 2008

Unhappily ever after?

Hey there people!

I was writing a new post for the other blog when it occurred to me that I was getting a little less pagan and a little too poly for that site

Of course, that is not to say that my lifestyle would be rejected within those circles, but only that I prefer to leave my more day to day thoughts on this site and leave that blog for more specifically pagan topics.

I was writing about the planning stages of our handfasting ceremony when I found myself getting off topic...

I had been searching the web for a simple handfasting rite that could be modified to accommodate three people, but that was also not too religious in respect of Karloff & May's beliefs. It was hard work to say the least.

What I found particularly odd was the amount of ceremonies I found that were specifically designed for couples in which one spouse was being married to another partner but the other spouse was not. I guess a lot of people must do it, but personally I would want to share my partner's entire life - not only the portion which they allocate to me. I would want (and am very lucky to have) a relationship with the other partner as well. That way I wouldn't feel like I was only sharing half their life. I can see how jealousy and insecurity would come into play if you felt like your partner had something with the other partner that you could *never have*.

I suppose it must work for some people. I'm certainly not going to discriminate because it's not my bag. I ask people to understand and respect my relationship even if they would not have chosen it for themselves. After all people ask all the time "how can your relationship work so well with three people?" To which I have to answer, " Well, how does yours work with two?"

I actually made an amusing observation today while scanning blogs and message boards that were discussing polyamoury vs. monogamy. I found the people who were most vocally against the subject were the ones who were married already and not wanting to have to deal with the "headache" of having another spouse! I found it rather funny that the people who were in unhappy relationships already were only focused on the negative connotations of a second spouse (more to have to clean up after, someone else hogging the sheets, etc.). None of them thought of the positive aspects of a second loving partner being added to the equation.

I thank the god & goddess every day that I have two loving, supportive people who are absolutely willing to help me with whatever endeavours I choose to undertake. More housecleaning? Nope, not here. We have three sets of hands now. Kids need to get ready for school? May gets lunches ready while I make breakfast and Karloff makes sure they get dressed. Easy!

Polyamoury is not the way to "fix" a relationship. Adding someone to your problems is not the answer. When you're (relatively) free of baggage, however, having another partner to share your life with can be soo rewarding!

*I feel soo lucky*